


Back to the dream

by saturnina



Category: Music RPF, Oasis (Band), Real Person Fiction
Genre: Dreams vs. Reality, Dreamsharing, Implied Het, M/M, Sibling Bonding, Sibling Incest, a bit of angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-15
Updated: 2019-12-15
Packaged: 2021-02-26 02:02:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,442
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21805603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saturnina/pseuds/saturnina
Summary: Now they had everything but had lost each other on the road, along the way.
Relationships: Liam Gallagher/Noel Gallagher
Comments: 8
Kudos: 14
Collections: Yuletide 2019





	Back to the dream

**Author's Note:**

  * For [RocknRoll1968](https://archiveofourown.org/users/RocknRoll1968/gifts).



> ♥ Dear RocknRoll1968: I hope you like this little Yuletide gift! I confess I have been a bit in a mood for dreamy angst so the fic ended up coming along these lines... I reeeally wanted to write a Noel and Liam present-day reconciliation story but to be honest THEY won't cooperate by giving me real-life a plot bunny for that! Anyway, I hope you enjoy the story and Happy Yuletide! ♥

He opened his eyes and the play of light and shadows on the wall was nothing like the one he remembered from the day before. Except that he could still remember this particular wall, a recollection from a time before time, dim like a distant train at the end of a long tunnel.

Noel closed his eyes shut, opened them again and it was like he had a thousand gritty eyelids opening to the same dirty wall, a place he had left behind forever, had been glad to leave behind, all collateral losses notwithstanding. He hadn’t had the time to think of them anyway; he had always been too busy shooting for the sky.

The crumpled duvet beneath his body was equally familiar and… God, he hadn’t smelt that in years! Cigarettes, sweat,—

Liam.

Liam, sitting on the edge of the mattress, his half-naked body half-blocking the path of light. Noel could not tell what exactly he was staring at, eyes lost on the window as if trying to chart the steps of the rising sun. Not that he _was_ doing such thing… Liam was never that profound.

In any case, they should not be here. Not anymore.

“You awake, man?”

It took Noel a few seconds to rediscover his own voice. “Yea, kid.”

Liam turned around as if to check if Noel was _really_ awake—like he could have answered as if he were asleep, right?—, nodded and returned to his quiet window-gazing, his back to wall and the lights and the shadows. Quiet. All too quiet. Something was off but Noel couldn’t put his finger on. 

He shook his head to dissipate the haze and all he got was black dots dancing before his eyes. He looked down at his own hands and they looked smooth and brand new, like Liam’s naked back, frozen in the days before life had carved its marks on him. On them.

“D'you think we gonna make it, Noely?”

Noel sighed. “Make what?" 

This time Liam turned fully towards him and rolled his eyes dramatically, as if the question had been obvious and Noel was being a daft cunt on purpose. "Make it big. Make it out of fuckin' Manchester, out into the fuckin' world."

Noel was quite sure they had had this conversation before. Not exactly like that, but something familiar... or maybe he had simply developed a high tolerance to Liam's frequent mithering, and could no longer differentiate one episode from another. He sat up on the mattress, looked once more at his eerily young hands. Missed a fag between his fingers, although he no longer smoked. Or did he?

"I… yea, I think we will. We already are," Noel grumbled, voice low and uncertain because a part of him knew they had already made it, in fact they had both climbed the highest mountains and sunk the lowest depths, but Liam looked so young and vulnerable that maybe he had dreamt it all up. Maybe it hadn't even started yet. Maybe there hadn't been any wall other than that dirty one on which Liam's shadow played in vague patterns.

Liam annoyance deflated with a sigh and he lifted a nearly translucent arm to scratch the back of his head, as he often did when he was unsure. Noel leant back against the nearest wall and waited. Hundreds of tiny moods crossed Liam's face leaving no mark, as if he had more to say on the matter but could not find the words. 

"When we get big," Liam murmured, "we gonna lose _this_."

Noel looked around. A small room with stained walls and dirty windows, that awful bed and his cheap stuff all scattered about… did not seem like much to lose. He was going to say so but then Liam was sitting on his lap, all sunlight and smooth skin like a fucking punishment and finally Noel understood what _this_ was all about.

"Kid..." he tried to say, but Liam was already bending down to nuzzle Noel's neck with nose and kiss his neck. He grabbed Liam's waist to attempt to push him away but that only made his brother wrap his arms around him tighter and pull him closer. In Noel's mind it has been years since they had been like this, but Liam felt young and untouched under his hands, as if no time had passed at all.

Maybe all the struggle, the success, the rises and falls had been nothing but a megalomaniac dream and they were both still somewhere in Burnage dreaming themselves alive. He remembered once wanting nothing more than to find a way out of that bleak shithole he called home, called life; but right now, a part of him would give anything just stay here for a little longer. Just a few more minutes. Just—

"You thinkin' too much."

"Well, one of us gotta do it right?"

Liam grinned not at all offended and there was a spark of innocence and trust in his eyes that Noel thought he would never see again. And he never knew how much he'd missed it until he saw it, but now the revived memory of it would leave a hole in the fabric of his being for years to come. 

He lay back flat on the mattress and pulled Liam down with him, kissing him and letting his hands run up his naked thighs, up the ridges of his hip bones, the visible bumps of his spine and into his thick hair, just because he still could. For the first time in what felt like ages, Noel welcomed the weight of his brother, everything it represented. Yes, yes, lay your burden on me, the weight of your desire, all your unsaid words. Lay them on me, flat on my chest. Any difficulties in breathing are incidental.

"Maybe we won't make it big, kid," he said, voice gruff with the effort to hide an emotion he'd rather not name. "Maybe we'll just be a little rock band giggin' in local bars till we find ourselves a stable job. Then we'll both marry some girls from here, have kids and meet for barbecues on Sundays."

Then he flipped them over and stared right into Liam's eyes as he leant down for another kiss. He felt Liam grimace against his lips, as if the idea of an ordinary life sounded like a nightmare to him, but the almost painful grip he had on Noel's upper arms as they kissed told another story entirely. 

They both knew for sure none of them would ever settle to such a pathetic fate. They weren't cut for it. And yet… and yet… when they had started, Noel never thought he could lose _this_. They could have nothing else but they would still have each other—that's how it had always been. And they would find their dream together, always together, right?

Right?

He burrowed his fingers into Liam's hair as if to secure his presence there, right beneath him, but he could already feel him slipping. He opened his eyes and there was no bed, no room, no window, just a wall onto which Liam was no more than a projection of light and shadows, like a poorly preserved 8mm home film. Something that could be seen, but not touched. Something you could retain, but never have again.

~*~

He opened his eyes and the early hours of a yet-undecided dawn made no lights and allowed no shadows anywhere. Just the same monochromatic hues, his posh bedroom turned into a subaquatic vision, like a place he was not actually living in, except that he was. Had been. For years.

Noel closed his eyes shut, opened them again and there was something watery under his eyelids, like tears from a time before time that had taken too long to spill. And now it was too late. Now they had everything but had lost each other on the road, along the way. 

The mobile phone on his bedside table blinked like a drowned lightening. It had been months since Liam had sent him any message that wasn't a passive-aggressive quip over Twitter or during an interview, but somehow Noel knew it was him. He picked his phone up and looked briefly at the notifications screen.

 _You awake, man?_

Noel did not respond; he just cradled the phone against his chest to smother the disturbing light. Sara snored softly beside him and he did not want to wake her up. Yes, he was awake. This time he was wide awake, and no matter how much the nights haunted him with memories, there was no going back to that dream.

**Author's Note:**

>  **Disclaimer:** Nothing in this fanfic is true and I do not claim that the people mentioned in it are like this in real life. No disrespect is intended.


End file.
